Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Quick Question

During my travels, which took me into airports deep in red states, I came upon an American riddle:

What do you get when you combine a 250 lb ex-football player going to pot and add a 150 lb ex-belle? Apparently the most immediate answer is love. Within 5 years and 50 lbs apiece the answer is about 3 blond children.

Another thing about my travels. Met with the aunt of a dead Iraqi soldier. Tough stuff. Meeting with her seemed to me to be more than Bush seems to do with Sheehan. Another American riddle presents itself, possibly without answer: what does it mean to be on a funeral tour? I gather that their young relative died and now they come together - in airports waiting for flights and talking to people like me? I didn't get a clear answer on this.

And yet another thing. My fat-dar (my gay-dar is no longer reliable). It is going insane. What do you get when you take a fat teen, add jeans she could have worn as an 11 year old? The answer seems to be a repulsive roll of adipose tissue that is squeezed outside the jean's confines, left to roll on it's own devices. The effect is like a sausage on the grill. As the meat cooks, expands, it outgrows it's own casing. It herniates outward, looking for release.

In the airport, particularly, these bags of flesh are not suitable for carry-on. They must be stowed below. Please!

OK. More on the interviews later.

17 Comments:

Blogger Ern said...

The sad thing is that even non-fat teens do that to their bellies. They are not fat, they are simply teenage sized rather than 11 year old size, as you said. What did their poor stomach ever do to deserve that kind of treatment?

3:58 PM  
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4:46 PM  
Blogger Doc NOS said...

Fuck you, anon! Trying to advertise shit on my blog! Only I can do that! for free shit, click on:

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Just kidding.

4:56 PM  
Blogger Jean-Francois said...

Hilarious that last comment Doc.
I also got spam in my little blog a couple days ago, I guess that's a sign that the end is coming...

7:33 PM  
Blogger acumamakiki said...

I always look forward to what you have to say Doc. I didn't realize your interviews would have you traveling.

Fat or not, it's the SLUTification of girls these days and I'm glad my girl is only 4 and I can control what she wears. Although if I wanted her to look like a baby slut, there are belly-baring, back showing tops or teeny tiny shorts. I'm no square, in fact when I was younger, it was shocking the things I wore in public and I'm lucky I didn't get into more trouble because of it.
It's not relegated to just kids though. Everyone seems to be fine with their tummy hanging out, their jeans too tight and my biggest pet peeve, their undies hanging and crack on display. There are a lot of clothes out there that I think are really cute and if I weren't 40, I'd probably be sporting the look. But because I am 40, I choose to dress more appropriately so that I still look good and not like an old bitch that has lost her sparkle.

5:48 AM  
Blogger laurenbove said...

Bravo! So terribly well put doc. I've been simultaneously repulsed and oddly riveted to the rolls of adipose so freely and unabashedly displayed before me and everyone else.

GOOD GOD GIRLS!

Get a damned mirror and look into it (and this is important)while bending. What do you see? Is it pretty? I thought not.

6:56 AM  
Anonymous cupre said...

The other day we had a temp RN. She was about BMI 35. She was wearing green scrubs with the waist rolled down. When I looked up from charting, she was sitting down with her back to me and to the patient hallway. The rolled-down scrubs were still on the chair and riding 4 inches above them was the waistband of her shocking pink thong. There went my lunch. I had my ex-military nurse practitioner address it. Some of my teen patients have come into the office with their high-riding shocking pink (always pink) butt-floss for their physical. Ick!

5:11 PM  
Blogger Doc NOS said...

Yeah, the thong is not an attractive piece of material in isolation. Like a bra strap. Fortunatly fashions change. Soon the 80s will be popular again - and some of us think they always were.

10:19 PM  
Blogger marybishop said...

I feel a strong dichotomy about the rolls of fat that are now considered hot.

I don't like the idea that women have to be more than women...super stars without a mark or an ounce of fat on their bodies. Ashamed of what they look like...

I also don't like looking at globs of jiggly fat all summer on males or females.

I guess I'm lucky I am not fat and even after having children weigh the same as I did in my senior year gym class.

I realize this is part genetics and part je ne sais quois...

But all those teens showing it all, are making me look great!

6:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know, it sucks to be fat. It also sucks to get fat. I would think as a doctor you'd have a little more compassion and a little less attitude.

5:15 PM  
Blogger Doc NOS said...

Yeah it does suck. Luckily there is something you can do about it. Furthermore, this post was more about fashion than fat. Some of the teens I saw I'd consider normal in a Ruben sort of way - but their jeans push a roll of flesh where it does not belong. It's very yuk.

3:49 PM  
Blogger Captain Underpants said...

We call that all-too-common nasty roll of cheese squeezed out by too-tight jeans the "blueberry muffin" around here (the jeans are blue, looks like a muffin overflowing the muffin tin around the top).

4:39 PM  
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