Friday, June 17, 2005

Life Is Hard

Before we begin, this has been changed around to keep everything NOS.

Life is hard for stupid people.

I read the class in America series. I have great empathy for those who cannot communicate with their doctors, and thus have their illness go undiagnosed by their doctor, who cannot interpret 'dizziness' to mean 'chest pain.'

But after having one of these moments myself, I have a huge degree of frusteration for simple idiocy. Not explained by class. This was explained by these people being fucking idiots.

Here is our conversation.

Me: OK. Let me get this straight, the problem is ____, started 3 years ago, getting worse. Hip surgery 2 years ago. Anything else? [note open ended question].

Idiot: no [note answer]

Me: So, I see that smoking is a problem.

[We continue along these lines for a while]

Me: OK. Hip surgery. Hum... What's the scar on your neck?

Idiot wife: Well, he did have his thyroid taken out.

Me: OK. So he's had his thyroid taken out. All of it? He's not on thyroid pills.

Idiot patient: I don't think so.

Me: OK. So not all of it. Probably. Any other surgery?

Idiots: no

Me, looking frazzled: ever?

Idiots: no

[We finally finish the history and go to the exam].

Me: Why do you have this long surgical scar on your abdomen?

Idiot patient: Oh, that's from when I fell and they took out my spleen. They told me that I had appendicitis, but it turned out to be an inoperable problem.

Me: Why am I wasting my time when I could have gone into teaching high school English. Better yet, undergrads. And never gotten married. Yeah... In the south...

Idiots: are you OK?

Me: no.

Now I just don't get it. How hard is it really to recall that you had surgery? Not to compare exactly, but I still recall when I fell of the bike when I was a kid and they had to stitch up my elbow. They ask about surgery, I tell them about my wisdom teeth and mole removals.

Life is hard for stupid people. It's also hard for their doctors.

3 Comments:

Blogger marybishop said...

Next thing you know, they'll be teaching med students to examine the patient before they ask a single question.

Almost like an autopsy on the living...how could you not tell a doctor you don't have a freaking spleen? Why is it a game of huckle buckle beanstalk?...hey, let's see what doc finds when he looks at me..I'm not going to tell...nutso

6:40 AM  
Blogger Ern said...

At what point exactly is idiocy considered a medical condition?

3:33 PM  
Blogger Doc NOS said...

So the scary thing was when I left the room I still wasnt' convinced they were telling me everything.

The worst was that they were looking at me like this was a game of 20 questions. Look, sorry, I have neither time nor inclination for you to be stupid.

I don't think idiocy can be a medical condition unless it gets really really bad: like down to MR levels.

3:46 PM  

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