Sunday, February 20, 2005


At the coffee shop after dropping child NOS off at day care. Coffee is shit today. It left too much blood in my caffeine system.

Here's to the girl who sat down facing away from me. Thank you but no thank you for the view of your bright blue thong. I know the style of pants these days is low. And that's OK. And I know the style of tops these days is high. That's OK too. And I know that the result, simple given anatomy, is for underwear to show. You chose a blue thong this morning, good for you. I chose boxers, if you were interested.

Things were OK for the next half hour. Your thong was within my visual field. It was surprisingly not at all arousing. Or it was about as arousing as a bra strap. I wouldn't be at all surprised to find that someone would find the wire-thin fabric highly arousing. I wouldn't argue with him (or her). I didn't. I guess that means I'm not 15 anymore.

It did bring to mind the worst trauma story I've ever seen, I'll spare you the horrid details, but it involved youth, a bloody death, trauma, a trauma bay where the staff always cuts every bit of clothing off the victim. In this case, among the garments on the floor was a simple thong, cut in pieces, soaked in thick red. Thinking about it now nearly makes me cry and I think it put me off thongs for good.

After that half hour, thank you, good Samaritan. You came into the coffee shop and told our fair lady that her underwear was about 3 inches up from the waist of her jeans. Thank you for turning what was embarrassing to something that was excruciating. Yes, you created quite a scene for a moment, as our thong lady turned around, looked at me as I feigned deep interest in the screen of this very laptop. But the thong expresser could not very well do anything about it, could she? See, her jeans do not have enough fabric to cover the expanse of the thong. I'm sure there is an equation for it, but let's leave it with my assurances. She left.

Embarrassed? Yeah for her, because you can't say embarrassed without saying em-bare-assed.


Blogger Sally said...

At least, not in American English.


3:45 PM  
Blogger laurenbove said...

Good Day Docnos.

I laughed mightily at this one. It is heartening to hear a man admit that this is not attractive. I find it to be low rent and base. I'm thinking giant red monkey ass in a tree. 'Attention male of the species: I am a female and of mating age.' Women! We can be a skosh more creative than that.

I wear thong style undergarments for comfort reasons. I mean, if it's going to go there anyway, I might as well put it there myself. My drawers remain properly located under my jeans.... It may not interest you to know that they make thong underwear specifically for the low rise pants of this day.

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