Friday, December 31, 2004

Mrs. NOS is mad

Mad at me for spending too much time in Doc NOS world. While spending time in Doc NOS world, dishes don't get done, the garbage doesn't get taken out, and Mrs. NOS doesn't have anyone to hang out with. Sorry. The thing is, the world that everyone else occupies pales in comparison to Doc NOS world. In your world there are dishes, garbage, crying kids, emotional ties, phone calls from annoying relatives, bills. In the real work world there are patients with complaints, long histories, lists of needs, paperwork, phone calls with hours of hold-time, indifferent secretaries. When I get home, Doc NOS world becomes reading a book. In my world, there is time to read the NY Times. Go for a run. Listen to music. Write. Think about something. In the Doc NOS world there’s always something interesting, but it’s internal and not really part of your world, or Mrs. NOS’s world.

How can the external world compete? I just read Generation Kill (just finished - deserves a post by itself)? I brought the outside world into my clean thoughtful room, where even the messy Iraqi war gets brushed off of all it’s dirt and grime. It gets made into something to just consider: the facts that huge numbers of civilians died and are dying, that the soldiers have no clue what they're doing, that this war is so clearly unjust. All that is just something to consider.

It's so clean and simple in NOS world. There are none of the dirty horrible problems from life. It's better in here. My internal world is where I try to recover from spending hours doing the nonsense that I do all day.

I promised I'd try to be better. I think I need to get Mrs. NOS into my world. But how? Then it won't be my world anymore, it'll be our world. I think I'm going to have to get used to that.

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